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Tuesday, April 24, 2007

This Week in Health, Fitness and Science

A Good Week For:

  • X-Files: A little while back, France opened up it's UFO files. Some of the stories and sitings can be accounted for by plausible scientific reasons or are blatantly ridiculous. Like the lady who reported a UFO that looked like a giant roll of toilet paper. We obviously know it wasn't Chuck Norris' spacecraft because he doesn't take s**t from anybody or anything. Other sitings and stories however made a good case for signs of extraterrestrial life.
  • Me: From birth, rats are inherently scared of cat urine for obvious survival reasons. However, after infection with the brain parasite Toxoplasma Gondii the rats became attracted to the cat urine making them easier prey. Anyways, I am currently enrolling single attractive females in my own research study. It is a simple study and involves tiny little things that are unseen by the naked eye, a quick signature on a boring form, my urine and your hormones.
  • Chickens: An anaysis of 20 studies and almost 4,000 patients revealed that Chondroitin, the popular supplement, doesn't provide any significant symptomatic relief for arthritis patients. Chondroitin Sulfate is a structural component found in cartilage and can be derived from chicken keel cartilage. Chondroitin was proposed to help with osteoarthritis by helping restore damaged cartilage.
  • An Uprising: A comprehensive study by some blasphemers stated that cured meats like bacon and hot dogs increase your risk of lung disease. Who believes that? The study was probably done by a bunch of vegetarians! Booo!!! These blasphemers obviously didn't take into account the euphoria and lasting enjoyment it provides! They also didn't factor in how it keeps you warm in the winter.
A Bad Week For:

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