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Thursday, May 24, 2007

Mr. T Facts:

  • Mr. T has beat the shit out of so many people over his brilliant life that most medical journals now classify him as a laxative
  • Scientists theorize that Mr. T cannot catch AIDS because his T-cells pity the virus into submission. The study of this phenomenon would lead to an AIDS vaccine; however doctors cannot obtain a blood sample because medical science has been unable to invent a hypodermic needle capable of piercing Mr. T’s skin.
  • While filming Rocky III, Mr. T punched Sylvester Stallone so hard Sly spoke clearly for a week.
  • The United States Federal Reserve Bank decided that Mr. T's neck was a much safer place for their gold than Fort Knox.
  • When Mr. T was circumsized his foreskin was not disposed of. Instead it was raised as a normal child, and it grew to love the game of basketball. Today we know Mr. T's foreskin as Shaquille O'Neal.
  • If Mr.T and The Fonz were ever to hi-five it would bring about another ice age
  • To make sure he was born tough, Mr. T's mother would punch her womb between shots of vodka.
  • In 1982 while working as a bouncer Mr. T invented a move so perilous that it is still spoken of with great admiration... that move is forever known as T Bagging.